Another great step to #NoGuilt, is found in the First Agreement of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz:
“Be Impeccable with Your Word
The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human; it is a tool of magic. But like a sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you.”
Parenting is all about using our words and actions to communicate and teach our children. Clear communication is the key. Ideally, our words and our actions align. We say something, and then we back it up with our actions. Kids live what they learn and learn what they live. They know when we mean what we say. They also learn to ignore when we say one thing and do another.
As Ruiz says above, our words also have the potential to destroy. The two of us know that over our parenting lifetime, we have said some things we regret. Parenting is a 24/7 job and there are times when we aren’t at our best and mistakes are made.
Mistakes are good – when we can learn from them!
So – if you have a tendency to use your words in ways that hurt, you also have an opportunity to plan how you will do it differently the next time that same situation comes along. Planning your script for a challenging situation (especially the ones that play over daily) is a surefire way of moving beyond guilt to a way of parenting that is modelling what you want your kids to learn.
[If you need help planning what to say – we help people do that every day!]
Ruiz also explains,
“Impeccable means without sin. A sin is anything you do which goes against yourself. Everything you feel or believe or say that goes against yourself is a sin. Being impeccable is not going against yourself. You go against yourself when you judge or blame yourself for anything. When you are impeccable, you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself.”
It can be so easy to get caught up in a moment, a thought or a feeling and use words against others or ourselves. Nowadays, this impulsivity seems heightened by social media. FOMO (fear of missing out) results in people jumping in to say things or post things on social media which may not be impeccable.
One step away from parenting guilt is to decide how you will be impeccable with your word. This week, ask yourself these questions:
Am I using words to hurt or control my family?
Do I need to plan new words to shift that recurring argument into something that works?
Am I going against myself with my word? Do I agree to things that I really wish I hadn’t?
How will I take responsibility for my actions and words in real life and on social media?
Get clear about using your words for to help. Set yourself up for success!
Wanting to create more respect in your home? Download our Respect mp3 and learn the tools to teach and gain respect.